Allthingspurple tagged me to tell her the world whether I’d prefer to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) or full-time-working-mom (FTWM). Well.. I’m a FTWD … err… boring. Not a boring existence. Just a boring post. Since 99% of dads are FTWDs anyway. So there’s not much to actually talk about.

Perhaps I can relate something original by talking about whether I’m MOM or DAD to my son. Or both

DAD

Papa does most of the fathering, but Kong-kong and Sok-sok are great too!

1. Biologically, I’m a dad. You know the motions of getting to become a dad, right? I went thru that and a DAD I am. ’nuff said.

2. Socio-economically, I’m a DAD. I bring home the bread. I know that doesn’t define a dad but that’s what most dads do, right? Papa.. I want to sell some of my toys to buy the Optimus Prime helmet. Oops. OK.. you get the idea. I’m the wallet.

3. Discipline!! I’m a dad with a “D” for Discipline. He knows he’s in trouble if he’s naughty and I find out about it. Well, most of the time it’s just a long talk or deprivation of privaleges, rather than the “rotan”. Whatever works for the situation, I guess. Mom or Dad could do this but usually it’s a DAD’s domain, eh?

4. Tough coach cum trainer cum rough games “facilitator” … I’m a DAD! Hey, he loves the rough and tough tumbles and flips. And so do I. Gets a scratch or a knock? “Is it bleeding? Is it broken?”. “Nope” … and he goes right back into the action. I let him get wet playing water guns in the garden. Gets sweaty playing shooting goals at futsal. Gets dirty playing with sand in the .. err.. anywhere there’s sand. We go watch Transformers together.

5. The “encyclopaedia”, ahem! … go ask your Papa… err… actually, he’ll be the one TELLING me what dinosaur this is and that is. Whether it’s a herbivore or carnivore… this sound is the heart beating… honda civic can go faster than iswara… whether optimus prime is still alive… etc. etc. etc. The point is… we talk GUY talk. OK, I’m a DAD.

I teach him how to get online and get the webcam on. How to play Spider-man 2 and Shrek 2. DAD? Yes!

MOM

The grandma does most of the mothering. But Papa does some.

1. Pampering!! Is this the mom’s role? Joseph can shower and dress himself, but he loves being pampered in the shower, toweling down and while dressing. He loves to be fed dinner in front of the TV. I guess I could be MOM too.

2. What about tender talk? Is that mom’s role? At bedtime, he’d sometimes hold his little bunny and suck his thumb and look at the ceiling or the window, deep in thought. That’s the best time to ask, “What are you thinking about?” That’s the time that he’s thinking of things of life, school, ah ma, ah kong, Papa, ***, etc. Anything that needs processing, anything that happened during the day… he’ll be thinking of them before he drops of to sleep. That’s the best time to talk about what’s bothering him and what’s important to him. I definitely could be MOM.

3. Nagging. That’s mom department, eh? Or not (don’t lynch me). “Wash you hands.” “Pick up your toys.” “Turn off the TV, do your homework.” “Finish your vege.” “Go to bed.” That’s not my strong point…. not that I don’t nag, but I guess not that much. I could STILL be MOM.

4. Helping with the homework.. I guess most moms would be doing that, right? He does most of them in the afternoon, with Ah Ma’s supervision. Only the Chinese homework needs me to supervise him ‘cos grandma can’t help with that. So, I could be a MOM, eh?

5. Hey I prepare the milk in a bottle for him. He still likes it in a bottle before he sleeps. Does that count as a MOM?

BOTH

We pray together at bedtime. Counts for both right? Haha. OK I know I’m not the best mom or dad, but I try.

~~~Instructions~~~
Here’s how it works:
1. So easy peasy, if you were given a choice, would you be a SAHM or FTWM? Just provide 3 good reasons.
2. Include your post link to the list below and Finally,
3. Tag other mommies

List:
1. Immomsdaughter prefers to be a SAHM
2. Miche prefers to be a SAHM too.
3. SweetPea is happy being a PTWM
4. AllThingsPurple choose to be a WAHM
5. Dr. Bernard Chan is both Mom and Dad.

OK… let me hand the soap-box over to …..

1. Annie in Seattle
2. HijackQueen is a FTWM
3. Lilian Chan, the 5xmom wants the best of both worlds.

Mine is a bit different but you can go to the preceeding blogs to see how they’ve done it.

A few of my blogging kakis sent me messages, “Bernard, where’s your blog la? There’s another site in it’s place.”

‘Huh?” I went to over to look… “This domain registration has expired..”

“Ohhhh”

… Thus, I remember now that it has been ONE YEAR since I registered my domain name. Happy Anniversary to “BernardChan.Net”! Haha.. I found out the hard way. Thanks guys and girls!

ME passed this contagion to me. I knew I should not have gone to see her that fateful morning, but I expect all sufferers to have an urge to visit a fellow patient’s blog on a regular basis.

I have yet to determine the nature of the organism but it’s clinical effect on infected individuals seems to be an uncanny sensation of being compelled to confess how he or she blogs. Perhaps it might provide an avenue for sufferers of blog-dependency-syndrome for self-examination and liberation from blog-dependency. As to the origin of this contagious factor, I have traced it to our simian cousins.

This illness seems to be a mis-nomer, however, since I have yet to find the anatomy with the name “Blogivum” or “Blogiva” which is the implied inflammed part in the disease called “BlogIVitis”.

The symptoms of this condition, in my humble opinion more aptly named “Blog Dependency Syndrome”, is manifested in me in the following ways:

1. The first chance I get to log on to my PC every morning, I hurry to take a look at the dashboard of my wordpress blog. My mind seems to be wondering whether there would be any new comments. Finding interesting comments seems to be followed by a feeling of euphoria. Understandably, however, the lack of comments invokes a dysphoric emotion. The euphoric factor might be calculated by a yet-to-be-discovered formula. It is, nevertheless, known to be directly proportional to the number of comments, visitors and relevance of comments; and inversely proportional to … err…. so far no factor has yet been found.

2. I feel an urge to visit the blogs on my blogroll. Some blogs more than others, but the urge is persistently present. Particularly if I had left a comment on the blog, I find myself inexplicably clicking on the blog’s links in increasing frequency to see whether the comrade had replied or updated. This is especially acute if the blog-companion is one who frequently updates the blog or can be expected to reply to comments.

3. Another related symptom is the strange urge to know what is happening in other individuals’ lives and families. Facts and tidbits of info that I would not have excited me or piqued my curiousity in the first place if I didn’t have this contagious condition. The local term for this condition is “Kaypohchee”. I wonder whether it has to do with the fact that sufferers band together and form cliques that share thoughts and talk so much so that the “Kaypohchee” centre of the brain has been enhanced in its keenness.

4. When a friend or relative complains that, “You haven’t been been in touch lately;” my thoughts are, “Haven’t you been reading my blog?” I regrettably find that I began expecting my great-grand-auntie to learn how to use the PC if she wants to know anything about me and Joseph.

5. Whenever I take photographs, I begin having thoughts how I’m going to put those in my blog. Those photos will remain in “My Pictures” folder until they get into the blog before being transferred to it’s proper folder. “My pictures” is getting too heavy. It is being filled to its capacity already. I m u s t do something to relieve the obstruction downstream…

6. Occasionally I see an emotional patient. I think… “Hmm… sounds like that … so-and-so blogger… sooo ‘emo’ one.” Or I look at the bank officer. I think… “Hmm… looks like that … so-and-so blogger… the lengjai/lenglui one.” Blogging personalities become the point of reference. I am still amazed at how this happens.

7. To put ME’s fears at rest, fortunately I do not think, “How shall I put this on my blog?” when I operate or scope. I do think that, however, when I come across any myths or disinformation that patients carry with them. I cannot resist the urge to highlight that to readers. Also, coming across “interesting”, sometimes “gross” tidbits of info or illustrations in my surgical or medical e-newsletters makes me want to share them with my blogger friends.

Here is DSM IV’s (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition) definition of substance dependency:

The DSM-IV-TR identifies seven criteria (symptoms), at least three of which must be met during a given 12-month period, for the diagnosis of substance dependence:

Tolerance, as defined either by the need for increasing amounts of the substance to obtain the desired effect or by experiencing less effect with extended use of the same amount of the substance.

Withdrawal, as exhibited either by experiencing unpleasant mental, physiological, and emotional changes when drug-taking ceases or by using the substance as a way to relieve or prevent withdrawal symptoms.

Longer duration of taking substance or use in greater quantities than was originally intended.

Persistent desire or repeated unsuccessful efforts to stop or lessen substance use.

A relatively large amount of time spent in securing and using the substance, or in recovering from the effects of the substance.

Important work and social activities reduced because of substance use.

Continued substance use despite negative physical and psychological effects of use.

Although not explicitly listed in the DSM-IV-TR criteria, “craving,” or the overwhelming desire to use the substance regardless of countervailing forces, is a universally-reported symptom of substance dependence.

The DSM is a collection of criteria to make diagnoses of mental disorders. They are internationally agreed upon criteria in order to help doctors talk the same language when they communicate to each other about mental disorders. I suppose Blog Dependency Syndrome might be classified as DSM IV 304.90.

However, since this contagion must be passed on, in goodwill… I shall, in goodwill, pass it on to:

1. Yenjai… whose perspective would be greatly appreciated.

2. Jimbo… a medical consult should help define the condition more clearly.

3. Kucau… would you care to chip in your thoughts from the the Frontal Lobe?

4. Chen… is there any imaging method to make a diagnosis? Or IMAGINARY methods?

5. Sweetpea… is there anything you can dispense for our poor souls suffering from this, or are you in the same boat?

6. Pelf… does this condition affect those in the East Coast as well? Do they affect chelonians?

Yenjai organized a blogger meeting on Friday in SS2, PJ. I was in town for a friend’s wedding in Melaka the next day and I wanted to meet up some him and Eve. He took the extra step and organized a meeting of a number of our favourite bloggers, Hijackqueen, Nyonyapenang, Titoki, Just Me and George. I took the liberty to invite my friend, WhataLulu, to the meet too. And the surprise guests were Eastcoastlife and Jaymes, all the way from Singapore.

Here are the “non-anonymous” bloggers’ photos. The anonymous bloggers don’t be jealous, ok? Haha.

It was great meeting you guys and girls. Jessie was the first to arrive. She wanted to see whether I could recognize her. Duhh! Of course la I could.. but she was more petite than I expected from her blog photos. And she said that I looked better in person too! Belanja you kopi-O next time, ok?

Just Me came with a bagful of video CDs and DVDs for everyone. Thanks!

Eve and her hubby were the most glamourous couple at the meet. OK.. they were the only couple at the meeting … but they WERE glamourous.

It was great seeing Whatalulu again. Sorry that she had to go early… had to wake up early the next day to bring a band of children from a home for a weekend trip.

Nyonyapenang was one cool lady, in spite of the barrage of questions upon her.

George was busy talking to his loyal fans… but he had the time to tell me that he was tagging me with some big project… hmmm… let’s see what it is.

Titoki was her charming self, as always. I told her again that she looked like my sister, when she had that fringe like Titoki’s.

Eastcoastlife and Jaymes were the surprise attendees, having come all the way from Singapore. She was kind enough to listen to me venting my frustrations. Hmmm… probably this host (yours truly) should have spared her that, eh?

Yenjai was the organizer of the meeting. It was really kind of him to close his clinic early to accommodate the other bloggers so that we could meet at an earthly (and safe) hour. *Hats off to Yenjai*

And oh yes.. Joseph had a busy time lending his pencil to everyone who wanted to exchange email addresses. He sketched all the bloggers’ faces … I forgot to bring that to scan… will do it next time I get the drawing.

See Hijackqueen’s montage here.
Yenjai’s 615 Gathering.
George’s Odyssey.
Eastcoastlife survived her trip to KayElle.