Mom or Dad?
Allthingspurple tagged me to tell her the world whether I’d prefer to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) or full-time-working-mom (FTWM). Well.. I’m a FTWD … err… boring. Not a boring existence. Just a boring post. Since 99% of dads are FTWDs anyway. So there’s not much to actually talk about.
Perhaps I can relate something original by talking about whether I’m MOM or DAD to my son. Or both 
DAD
Papa does most of the fathering, but Kong-kong and Sok-sok are great too!
1. Biologically, I’m a dad. You know the motions of getting to become a dad, right? I went thru that and a DAD I am. ’nuff said.
2. Socio-economically, I’m a DAD. I bring home the bread. I know that doesn’t define a dad but that’s what most dads do, right? Papa.. I want to sell some of my toys to buy the Optimus Prime helmet. Oops. OK.. you get the idea. I’m the wallet.
3. Discipline!! I’m a dad with a “D” for Discipline. He knows he’s in trouble if he’s naughty and I find out about it. Well, most of the time it’s just a long talk or deprivation of privaleges, rather than the “rotan”. Whatever works for the situation, I guess. Mom or Dad could do this but usually it’s a DAD’s domain, eh?
4. Tough coach cum trainer cum rough games “facilitator” … I’m a DAD! Hey, he loves the rough and tough tumbles and flips. And so do I. Gets a scratch or a knock? “Is it bleeding? Is it broken?”. “Nope” … and he goes right back into the action. I let him get wet playing water guns in the garden. Gets sweaty playing shooting goals at futsal. Gets dirty playing with sand in the .. err.. anywhere there’s sand. We go watch Transformers together.
5. The “encyclopaedia”, ahem! … go ask your Papa… err… actually, he’ll be the one TELLING me what dinosaur this is and that is. Whether it’s a herbivore or carnivore… this sound is the heart beating… honda civic can go faster than iswara… whether optimus prime is still alive… etc. etc. etc. The point is… we talk GUY talk. OK, I’m a DAD.
I teach him how to get online and get the webcam on. How to play Spider-man 2 and Shrek 2. DAD? Yes!
MOM
The grandma does most of the mothering. But Papa does some.
1. Pampering!! Is this the mom’s role? Joseph can shower and dress himself, but he loves being pampered in the shower, toweling down and while dressing. He loves to be fed dinner in front of the TV. I guess I could be MOM too.
2. What about tender talk? Is that mom’s role? At bedtime, he’d sometimes hold his little bunny and suck his thumb and look at the ceiling or the window, deep in thought. That’s the best time to ask, “What are you thinking about?” That’s the time that he’s thinking of things of life, school, ah ma, ah kong, Papa, ***, etc. Anything that needs processing, anything that happened during the day… he’ll be thinking of them before he drops of to sleep. That’s the best time to talk about what’s bothering him and what’s important to him. I definitely could be MOM.
3. Nagging. That’s mom department, eh? Or not (don’t lynch me). “Wash you hands.” “Pick up your toys.” “Turn off the TV, do your homework.” “Finish your vege.” “Go to bed.” That’s not my strong point…. not that I don’t nag, but I guess not that much. I could STILL be MOM.
4. Helping with the homework.. I guess most moms would be doing that, right? He does most of them in the afternoon, with Ah Ma’s supervision. Only the Chinese homework needs me to supervise him ‘cos grandma can’t help with that. So, I could be a MOM, eh?
5. Hey I prepare the milk in a bottle for him. He still likes it in a bottle before he sleeps. Does that count as a MOM?
BOTH
We pray together at bedtime. Counts for both right? Haha. OK I know I’m not the best mom or dad, but I try.
~~~Instructions~~~
Here’s how it works:
1. So easy peasy, if you were given a choice, would you be a SAHM or FTWM? Just provide 3 good reasons.
2. Include your post link to the list below and Finally,
3. Tag other mommies
List:
1. Immomsdaughter prefers to be a SAHM
2. Miche prefers to be a SAHM too.
3. SweetPea is happy being a PTWM
4. AllThingsPurple choose to be a WAHM
5. Dr. Bernard Chan is both Mom and Dad.
OK… let me hand the soap-box over to …..
1. Annie in Seattle
2. HijackQueen is a FTWM
3. Lilian Chan, the 5xmom wants the best of both worlds.
Mine is a bit different but you can go to the preceeding blogs to see how they’ve done it.
No problem, you can be both. If my Mum ca, you can too, hahha
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OH NO! which one would I choose?
Ya know, that’s a very good question now that I’ve been both…
Now I understand why you tagged me. I like these logical questions. I think raising a child is no different in any country.. it’s how you’re perceived and how well you’re supported. I’ll think about this one and write it up.
Not just to tell me ler, tell the whole wide world. Anyhow, if you dont have to bring home the dough and Joseph is still a wee little thing and lets say there isnt any “Ah Ma” at home, it would be interesting to know if you like to be a SAHD, since you need to be both mom and dad. My guess is that with you being so passionate about your job, you probably would choose to be a FTWD, yea?
BTW, my Kimberly still likes a bottle before bedtime too, and i indulge her cos its an easy way to make sure she gets her calcium.
I can only respect you.
Being a dad is tough enough, I don’t know whether I have the emotional depth to become a mum too
Your son is definately in good hands. “Mom” and “dad” are just titles. What matters most is the person who is there to provide the love, warmth and patiently nurturing the child.
i know many dads who are there physically…whilst their mind are thousand of miles away. you sound like you play with him….and most importantly, enjoy playing with him. i think you go in the good dad category.
Pelf, thanks! Your mom did a good job
Annie, yes.. but don’t think too long…
Allthingspurple, oops.. ya .. error. Hehe. Trust a lawyer to pick these things out.
Yes, I would be a FTWD too. As Annie says, “… it’s how you’re perceived and how well you’re supported.”
Yenjai, weiii.. you’ve got emotional depth la. A bit of tweaking will enhance whatever emotional depth we’ve all got.
Liling, uahh.. that’s profound la. Didn’t think of it that way.
I guess we’re so caught in stereotypes.
ME, that’s ‘cos he’s an great playmate
Haha!
Tough having to play both the Mom and Dad role. I snatched my hubby’s role from him and became my son’s Dad. I teach him all the men’s ways, good and bad. hahaha…. Nowadays, bad people last longer. I need a man to take care of me when I’m old.
As far as I concern, I would be both to nurture my child to be a better man…mullah wise, I would choose to be a FTWM…so the family could have a better quality life…=)
I guess nowadays every parent has many roles to play. Bringing up the kids really take 100% effort and time.
we do wear many hats.
Even for us mothers who work part time or full time, we still need our partners to help with disciplining, activities and we need our children’s grandparents or aunts and uncles to help with nurturing and babysitting.
You are a ‘yiat keok tek’ (do it all) and doing a fantastic job. You are an amazing superdad!
May God bless you and Joseph richly.
We all play hybrid roles nowadays. I still do most of the upbringing as o opted to stay home and play mom 24/7. As for Dad, he only spells FUN and GAIGAI!!!! Go gaigai until the mother also siao di….
Eastcoastlife, bad people last longer where?
Chelsea, that depends on your definition of quality of life, doesn’t it?
Helen, hi! Welcome here! 100% is true.
Nyonyapenang, yes, true. It’s a bit difficult to play good cop-bad cop, though. Unless I’m willing to appear schizophrenic.
Judy, no la… got grandparents and sok-sok doing a lot.
Samm, gaigai! gaigai! gaigai! Yesssss!
I think that being at home to help the children grow in a balanced way is a wonderful career.
Bad people live longer. tio bo?
What thing you thinking last longer? hahaha….
Eastcoastlife, haha.. you’ve got a POINT there.
[…] to be a SAHM too. 3. SweetPea is happy being a PTWM 4. AllThingsPurple choose to be a WAHM 5. Dr. Bernard Chan is both Mom and Dad 6. 5xmom wants the best of both worlds. 7. Simon still dreams of being SAHD 8. […]